Belonging

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." (C. S. Lewis)

I love to belong.
Maybe it is a result of being constantly uprooted as a missionary kid, or maybe it is something that was planted deep in my heart by God when he made me. However the case may be, I need to belong. I like knowing that I am meant to be somewhere and can be freely admitted. At Moody, all the students had to wear ID tags that showed they belonged - and the desk workers would let them into the dorm no questions asked. Wearing the name tag showed that you belonged at Moody.
Right now I no longer belong at Moody - I had to give up my ID tag when I graduated. Now I belong at Hebron School in India, and I can walk by the guards at the school gate freely and whenever I want. I enjoy knowing I belong at Hebron and eye other "white people" with curiosity when they visit "my" town - forgetting that I am also one of them.
When I return to the United States in a few short weeks, I look forward to the security personnel in customs saying "welcome home". Even though I spent most of my life in another country, my passport gives me easy entry into the United States. As a citizen, I don't have to fill out a bunch of paperwork or be screened as extensively. Instead, I feel welcomed back into another place where I belong - the country of my birth. And when I arrive in the US I look forward to seeing my mom, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins - the family that I belong in and have dearly missed while I've been in India.
Some day I would like to get married and belong to a new family. Yes, I will still belong to the Lackey family, but I will leave them in a sense and belong to a new family - first made up of two, then more as children are added. And in this belonging I will be giving up some of my freedom as a single person, but I think it will be worth it.
Actually, belonging anywhere means that you have to give up some freedom. A married person gives up the freedom to date whoever they want, go wherever they feel like going on a whim, and maybe even give up some of their dreams for the good of the new family. The citizen of a country gives up their right to keep all of the money they make by paying taxes and forfeits some of their rights to privacy in order to gain protection. A student at Moody or a staff member at Hebron give up their rights to do whatever they want, and instead are expected to live by the school rules.
Most of the time I am willing to give up my freedoms in order to belong somewhere, because I see the benefits of belonging as more valuable than going it alone.
But even when I feel like I really belong somewhere there is always a piece of my heart that is looking for home. I loved studying at Moody, but I didn't completely belong there. I am enjoying serving at Hebron, but I don't fit in 100%. I am looking forward to returning to the country of my birth, but I never feel like I'm all-American. I dream about getting married, but I know that even then a part of me will still long for this other place where I'll belong fully.
This place is heaven. Heaven - being with God - is what I was made for and what I am looking forward to. It is where my ultimate citizenship is, and when I arrive there some day I will know it is finally where I fully belong. But like all other places where I've wanted to belong, this one also demands giving up my freedom. In order to end up in heaven, I have had to give up myself and let Jesus take over. I have had to surrender my life, my plans, my dreams, my mistakes, and my fears to Him and in exchange have found the place I truly belong. Is is a lot to give up? In a way, yes. Is it worth it? Definitely.